Defiant Discussion

It’s Interesting to me these days, specially with what I am going thru in my personal life how those things effect my gaming life. I will give my last night example to sort of explain where I am going with this.

Actually it started the night before. I had just respawned and was trying to heal up from that. This other player game up and started toying with me, he was a few levels higher and guess thought it would be fun to see how low he could keep my health without actually killing me. This went on for a couple minutes, then he killed me, possible twice, I am really not sure. Most times this doesn’t really bother me, I usually take the ignore approach and they get bored and go away. I had thought about making note of these people for later use, but really, I am not sure I care that much. I went on my way, grinding myself up.

Last night, I have traveling thru the same area, just about done for the night. As I am crossing a bridge I see none other than the same guy that toyed with me the night before, and it looks like he was just invloved in a skirmish of some sort has his health was well under 50%. He must not be grinding very hard either as I was not just a level or 2 under him. Of course, without even thinking about it I attacked and killed him. It felt good, I mean it was surprisingly satisfying. The respawn point for that area was just a few meters away, I could have went back and toyed with him (if he was brave enough to respawn that close, which usually that type are not) But I just went along me marry little way once again.

So what I am getting at is that it seems to me these days especially that my emotional state, or needs or current state of being really feed on the MMO world. My character is almost involuntarily effected by my mood or what’s swirling in my head. It feels different now, and I have been working on making a better connection with what I am feeling in real life. Its not like the good old days of SWG and attacking a jedi as a bounty hunter, and its not like FPS games like Call of Duty and that little rush you get when you get a knife kill. Its different, and I am not sure I am describing it well enough to make my point.

Now I dont think its at an unhealthy level, but I do notice the difference, it wasn’t the competitive rush like playing hockey (or your favorite sport) or like my other example, of besting another person in a game, like the jedi hunt. The revenge I achieved last night was just satisfying on a level higher than just playing a game, I didn’t gloat, I didn’t dance on his corpse, I just continued on and it felt nice, I smiled and moved on.

I feel like other aspects of my play are effected like this now, my character direction has hints of my real life. I know that people play these games and try and be someone they are not, I guess in a way, I am trying to play this game and work thru who I currently am.